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| OMG!!! A LLAMA!! |
I hate living like this. Like living in a nightmare, and I just can't seem to wake
up.
I've totally given up on everything. Im tired of this pain, and theres nothing that
I can do about it.
Why is it that when you think that you've found happieness, it finds a way to slip away
from you?
James Behnke!
Her world crashes down at her feet,
As the light fades away,
No more problems,
No one to bother her,
Red is all she see's,
Slowly drips down
The pain has gone,
No more feelings,
Numb.
She breaths her last breath,
Her eyes close shut,
Never to see the
sun again,
They stand and look,
But say not a word,
As the blood runs
Down her arm,
No more pain
Will she feel,
No more feelings,
Numb.
for more pics of me.. go>>http://photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos
Keep the noise low, she doesn't wanna blow it. She stripped from head to toe and then left him with
his shoulder out. Go get your heartbeat. It beats me straight into the ground. You don't recover from a night like this. Our
victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless. A hand moves in the dark to her zipper. And a boy best in tourniquet sheets
barely whispers, "This is so messed up." Upon arrival the guests had all stared. Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd
headed straight for the stairs. No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch, unprepared for a life filled with lies and failing
relationships. (Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing up.) He keeps his hands low, he doesn't
wanna blow it. He's wet from head to toe and his eyes give her the up and the down. His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing
up. Get the body on the bed like it's flowered and he starts going down. The people, the focus. The reasons that I had to
believe you weren't too hard to settle. Die young and save yourself. They take all the taste out. It used to be the reason
that we're even, now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself. She hits the lights. This doesn't seem quite fair. Despite
everything he learned from his friends, he doesn't feel so prepared. She's breathing quiet and smooth, he's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time", he said. She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his. He keeps his hands pinned down
at his sides. He's holding back from telling her exactly what it really feels like. He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her. Nothing that he touches is really having an effect. He whispers
that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for... (Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes the art of growing
old.) So much more than he could ever give. A life full of lies and failing relationships. He keeps his hands pinned down
at his sides. He waits for it to end and for the aching in his guts to subside. The people, the focus. The reasons that I
had to believe you weren't too hard to settle. Die young and save yourself. They take all the taste out. It used to be the
reason that we're even, now it's choking me up. Die young and save yourself. Up the stairs, the station where the act becomes
the art of growing old. The people, the focus. The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to settle. Die young
and save yourself. They take all the taste out. It used to be the reason that we're even, now it's choking me up. Die young
and save yourself.
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If only you could watch me fall
I cannot feel it anymore
The soul you cut the soul you adore
Cannot
feel you anymore
Cause you've run through me with the destructive force
I think somehow I gotta see it straight
I
gotta get you out of me
But I cannot get through to you
See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
See
me I'm over the edge farther with every step
See me I'm doen and I get deeper with every breath
Standing over the edge
I'm taking my last breath
How I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
And how I feel like I'm starless
I'm
hopeless and grayed out
Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
And now I feel like I'm starless
I'm
ready to burn out
I can transcend you and mentally bend you
But I can't handle the shit that I'm into
I have
been blinded and always reminded
Of the things I've wanted but I never could find
I am a part of a world that I hate
I wish the
End would come faster my world's a disaster
Can't you see that I;m down and I'm drowning
And I can't
keep my head above my wake
I gotta get you out of my veins
I gotta get you out of my blood
I gotta get you out
of my scene
I gotta get you out of me
What I'm really trying hard to get down to words
Is the way I fit into
this world
Things I survived pushed me to the darkeer side
Because of life as it was the life that was
Yours should've
never been mine
But I never could take anymore of this
Cause I'm always gonna get down to the floor
It's a cold gun
that I kiss
'Cause I cannot break anymore
Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
That's how
I feel when I'm starless
I'm hopeless and grayed out
Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to burn out oh
Now
I'm starless
Kill Me Quickly
can we,
can we kill each other quickly?
quick
enough so i won't feel it?
a shot of strobe light anesthesia
and I’ll be fine
as I begin to feel cold
my hands are shaking from
fear,
white from clutching my pride,
red from cutting you,
and blue from telling lies.
'cause I’m
sick of the stabbing,
I’m sick of the breaking,
I’m sick of the bleeding until we fall down,
sick
of this circle of death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground.
let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I’m scared,
and I can't do this alone.
but i need!
your heartbeat
to
haunt me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new.
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005
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i hate these things.. but i still did it.
Current
mood: blah 
1) Your gender: Female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
(3) Single?: Yes
(4) Want to be?: No
(6)
Age your act: 5
(7) Age you wish you were: 18.. so i can get out of this hell hole
(8) How tall are you: 5'8
(9)
The color of your eyes: dark brown
(10) Happy with it?: sure
(11) The color of your hair: brown/black
(12) Happy
with it?: sure
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right
(14) Your living arrangements? mom
(29) What's your job: bum
(30)
Piercings?: yeah.. just ears...
(31) Tattoos?: not yet
(32) Obsessions?: .. someone...not nameing anyone
(35) Do
you speak another language?: yeah.. Eva language
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "love can only go so far..." josh told me
that
(37) Do you have a webpage?: yeah.. but its gay
*DEEP THOUGHTS*
(38) Do you live
in the moment?: yeah
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: i donno
(40) Do you have any secrets?: lots
(41)
Do you hate yourself?: totally
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: eh.. sometimes
(43) Do you have any bad habits?:
yep
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: your one of a kind
(45) If a movie was made about your life,
what would it be called?: HELL!!
(46) What's your biggest fear?: being alone
(47) Can you sing: hahah.. thats funny
(48)
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: no
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with
you?: hell no
(52) Are you a daredevil? sure..
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: just about everything
(54)
Are you passive or aggressive?: i donno
(55) What is your greatest strength and weakness?:i donno
(57) If you could
change one thing about yourself, what would you change?: my tummy.. it has to go!
(58) There are three wells.. love, beauty
and creativity, which one do you choose?: love or beauty.. i donno
(59) How do you vent?: smoke..
(60) Do you think
you are emotionally strong?: nope
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: fuck yeah
(62) Do you
think life has been good so far?: hell no
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? not to trust
anyone who says, "I love you"
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: nope
(67) Are you confident?: nope
(68) What
is the fictional character you're most like?: JACK SPARROW!!! mmm Johnny Depp!
(69) Do people know how you feel?: not really
(70)
Are you perceived wrongly? mhm
*DO YOU...*
(71) Smoke?: yeah
(72) Do drugs?: yeah
(73)
Read the newspaper?: nooo...
(74) Pray?: fuck that
(75) Go to church?: no
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah
(77)
Sleep with stuffed animals?: yep
(78) Take walks in the rain?: yep
(79) Talk to people even though you hate/dislike
them?: only.. someone im not nameing..
(80) Drive?: not llegaly
(81) Like to drive fast?: mhm
*HAVE
YOU EVER...*
(82) Liked your voice?: nope
(83) Hurt yourself?: yeah
(84) Been out of the country?: nope
(85)
Eaten something that made other people sick?: nope
(86) Burped?: yeah
(88) Been in love?: yeah
(89) Done drugs?:
yeah
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: yeah
(92) Had a surgery?: nope
(93) Ran away from home?: yeah
(94) Played any
type of stripping game?: nope
(95) Gotten beaten up?: by my dad
(97) Been picked on?: yeah
(98) Been on stage?: yeah
(99)
Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and
that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: no
(100) Slept outdoors?:
yeah
(101) Thought about suicide?: yeah
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yeah
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 'til
like 9am then i passed out
(104) Gone one day without food?: yeah
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: yeah
(106)
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yeah
(107) Slept all day? yeah
(108) Killed someone?:
no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: no
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: no
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: yeah
(112)
Kissed the same sex?: no
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: no
(114) Been betrayed?: fuckin A!
(115)
Had a dream that came true?: no
(117) Met a famous person?: no
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no
(146)
Stolen anything?: yeah
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: nope
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: nope
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?
yeah
(150) Considered religious vocations?: nope
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: umm.. huh???
(152)
Bungee jumped?: nope
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah
*FASHION*
(154)
Shoe brand?: converse
(155) Brand of clothing?: dickies.. band shirts
(156) Cologne/perfume?: velocity(mary kay)
(157)
What are you normally wearing to school/work?:don't go to either...
(159) Wear hats? nope
(160) Judge other people by
their clothing?: nope, thats gay
(161) Wear make-up?: fuck yeah.. i'd look funny without it
(162) Favorite place to
shop?: doesn't matter
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: uhh.. i donno
(164) Are you trendy?: i donno
(165) Would
you rather wear a uniform to school?: nope
*BELIEFS*
(166) Believe in life on other
planets?: nope
(167) Miracles?: nope
(168) Astrology?: nope
(169) Magic?: nope
(170) God? : not anymore
(171)
Satan?: he ate a hotdog
(172) Santa?: YES!
(173) Ghosts?: nope
(174) Luck?: nope
(175) Love at first sight?: yeah
(176)
Yin and Yang?: nope
(177) Witches?: nope
(178) Easter bunny?: nope
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful
forever?: yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: nope
(181) Do you wish on stars?: yeah
*LOVE*
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: nope
(183) Do
you remember your first love?: yes
(184) Still love him/her?: yes
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: sometimes
(186)
What do you find romantic?: anything...
(187) Turn-on?: personallity.. smile
(188) Turn-off?: people who are only out
for sex.. big egoes!
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: nope
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating
expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: kinda special
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating
them or going "blind"?: knowing them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy
out?: huh?
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: yeah
(204) Do you think
the opposite sex finds you good looking?: i donno
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: theres nothing.. guys are
gay
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: they want sex all the time...and a hott girl...
(207) What's
the last present someone gave you?: well a cigerette..
(208) Are you in love?: yes
(209) Do you consider your significant
other hot?: huh?
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the
sidewalk?: i would be stupid like always and talk to them
*WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...*
(211)
That haunted you?: i donno
(212) You wanted to kill?: my dad.. but we're cool now
(213) That you laughed at?: josh
(214)
That laughed at you?: josh
(215) That turned you on?: someone... no names
(216) That you kissed?: casey
(217) You
went shopping with?: Tonya, Ashley .. and Aaron
(218) That broke your heart?: casey
(219) To disappoint you?: casey
(220)
To ask you out?: umm.. hmm.. i donno..
(221) To make you cry?: gah! same guy!
(222) That you thought about? same guy...^^
(223)
You saw a movie with?: Stephen... or was it alyssa.. i donno
(224) You talked to on the phone?: tonya
(225) You talked
to through IM? damien
(226) You saw?: alyssa
(227) You lost?: someone special
(229) You thought was completely insane?:
i donno
(230) You wanted to be?: i donno
(231) You told off?: too many people...
(232) You trusted?: i donno
(233)
You turned down?: i donno
*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...*
(234) Smiled?: umm....
when i was drunk with alyssa the other night
(235) Laughed?: same night^^
(236) Cried?: few hours ago
(237) Bought
something?: haha... i donno
(238) Danced?: today
(239) Were sarcastic?: today
(240) Hugged someone?: i can't even
remember
(241) Talked to an ex?: last week.. it didn't turn out very good
(242) Watched your favorite movie?: i donno
(243)
Had a nightmare?: hmm.. lastnight
(245) Talked on the phone? hour ago
(246) Listened to the radio?: don't listen to
the radio
(247) Watched TV?: don't watch TV.. wait.. at alyssas yesterday
(248) Went out?: yesterday
(249) Helped
someone? i donno
(250) Were mean?: today..
(251) Sang?: don't do that
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: last week
(253)
Said "I love you"?: .. don't wanna talk about it..
(254) Missed someone?: everyday..
(255) Fought with a family member?:
everyday
(256) Fought with a friend?: today
(257) Had a serious conversation: lastnight
(258) Got drunk?: sunday
night with alyssa |
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